Well Hello! It's been a week so I thought I'd post. Saturday before last my brother and sister in law hosted an awesome halloween party. There was home made soup and all kinds of goodies. The costumes were AWESOME. We left about 9:30 which means we didn't get home until 11 or later. That's not a big deal though. It was super fun. After that I just worked. A lot. Last night was Halloween, at least we celebrated it. WE had lots of Trick or Treaters, most of which were NOT dressed up. I've decided that next year I'm going to put up a sign on the door that says "no costume no treat" On the other hand those kids had a lot of guts. The kids who came to our house at 11:00 had more guts. They almost got tricked because I was ready to explode. But I didn't. I gave them candy and let them know it was a little bit late to be ringing peoples door bell...They disagreed. It's all good. I"m getting used to it. Teenagers.....the part of parenting I am terrified of. And no....that's not an announcement.
Heber vs. Cedar
I love my husband. As proof of this love, I left my house that I adored, my family less than an hour away, WARMTH less than an hour away and a stinkin awesome deal on rent, packed up our junk, and moved to an apartment in Heber City. It's a good thing my job moves with me! I do have some family up here. I'm blessed to have awesome in laws and my brother and his wife are not too far away. It's just not the same as having my mom so close.
There are just so many more opportunities for my wonderful husband here. We are trying to find a way to get him into school. If you want to donate to the cause we wouldn't say no! ha ha. He has had a couple of job interviews, and another on Tuesday. We are hoping he gets an interview with convergys because it's a good job and they do tuition reimbursement. Oh yeah, and it pays a lot more.
We thought for half a heartbeat that we were going to be the foster parents for a 14 year old girl. But her half siblings' father offered to take her in, and he lives in Hawaii. If I had the choice (and I were here of course) I would go live with him. I mean it's FRICKIN HAWAII! Plus she gets to stay with her brother and sister.
We are still finding our niche here in Heber, but we have a great opportunity to watch our niece Sky several times a week. It's been a true delight to do that. Anyway, other than that life is fairly consistent. As, I will try to be with my posts from here on out. Once a week.....is there anyone out there who believes me?
24 October 2010
And I think to myself....what a wonderful world...
I've been sitting here...at my desk working my butt off, and I glanced up and out the window. The sky was full of yellow and orange and red and pink. The most beautiful sunset. I've been feeling down, and frustrated about find a place to live and not getting pregnant and what not. I looked up and felt the beauty of the earth. I knew that sunset was just for me. A giant hug from a loving Father in Heaven who would hold me in his arms if he could. Instead he sends me a soft whisper to let me know that everything is alright. A gentle rain to soothe away my stresses. A loving husband to kiss away tears. I have more blessings than I could possibly count.
09 July 2010
My mistake....
I apologize in advance to anyone who this may offend, but I need to write down this.
So I have have been spending a lot of time in my head lately....when I'm unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep. I've decided a few things about myself.
1. I am very judgmental. Not in the way that you would think though. I judge you that you are judging me. I assume you think that I'm not worth anything so you won't even try to be my friend. I ASSUME that you are laughing at me on the inside and don't think I'm worth your time. I don't give people a chance because I don't want to risk getting hurt. If you know me, you know that I'm very sensitive, and my heart has been bruised a lot. Not by guys because I didn't really give them a chance. But by people I considered my friends, or people I wanted to be friends with. A lot of this stems from my past. People I considered my friends would make fun of me, or make me feel that I was lucky to be hanging out with them, and I began to believe that I was not worth that much and I WAS lucky to be around the people who only kept me around out of pity. The damage that caused is hard to overcome. I thought I had moved beyond it, but I looked around and realized that I don't make an effort to be friends with anyone, they have to reach out to me and even then, I'm hesitant. So here is my goal, I will not just assume that someone is trying to take advantage of me. I will also not just assume that someone doesn't really care about me. I will give people a chance. I'm sorry to anyone who has tried to reach out in friendship and I was to afraid to reach back. You don't deserve that.
2. I am focused too much on the negative things in my life, and I keep saying I'll be happy when....I'll be happy when I get a boyfriend, I'll be happy when I get engaged, I'll be happy when I'm married, I'll be happy when we buy a house, I'll be happy when we have a baby...when I was in high school I was on the debate team, I know surprise....but I did oratory speech and our team captain gave a speech that really had an effect on me. Part of it was the following poem...
When it's hot he wants it cool,
When it's cool he wants it hot,
That poem has been with me for nearly 15 years. Always in the back of my mind. Yet I was always look for happiness outside of myself. But happiness doesn't come from the outside. It comes from within, and using the innate ability we all have to find the GOOD things in life. There are ALWAYS good things, even at the lowest moment of my life I am more blessed than I deserve. I have a wonderful family, a romantic and passionate husband, a home, a good job, the gospel, awesome in-laws that make me feel like I'm part of the family, and accept me for who I am and a plethora of others that there just isn't enough time or space in all the world to list. I am truly blessed. My goal here is to count my blessings on a daily basis. Maybe I will post them....steal an Idea from Kimmi over at So Many Kids, So Little Time and post a few things that I'm grateful for every week on "Muchas Gracias Monday" but I KNOW I will be happier if I focus on the positive things.
3. I have a food addiction. It's food. I know that sounds silly, but it's not. It's serious. I won't be hungry but I still feel a need to eat, and to eat a lot. It has caused me to gain over 100 pounds. Here is the dilemma...how does one stay away from food? You have to have it to survive. How do you break an addiction to something that your body needs? Its a frighting reality to face. I guess we could not have any unhealthy snack foods in the house...but even healthy snacks are bad if you eat too much...so my goal? I don't know...I don't know what to do about this one. I don't know how to fix my brain.
10 June 2010
The masks we wear...
Can you look beyond what you see? Can you look beyond your sight?
Will you take the time to notice my beauty from inner light?
I know I am not perfect I see it all the time, but if you see with your heart, you may see in to mine.
Can you look beyond my imperfection, can you see beyond the mask?
Will you take the time to notice me, to put yourself to task?
--Christy Gale
I wrote this poem a few years ago and forgot all about it. Then I found it, after a discussion that I had with my husband about the LAME disguises superheros wear to hide their true identity. I mean Superman, come on. You can fly, your super strong, you have laser vision and the best disguise you can come up with is a pair of glasses from the dollar store? Lets get real here. At least spiderman has a mask when he's spidey. And it's not just superheros. On Hannah Montana Billy Ray's disguise is a mustache. Really? a mustache? At this point in our discussion, I was trying to decide whether or not I should be insulted by the authors general assumption that we would be unable to discern such simple guises. Then, all at once it came to me, the disguise isn't what they are wearing. It's who they are. Superman is all duh duh duh duuuuuh!!! An pops out with his hands on his waist, and chest poking out, brimming with a confidence you just can't find nowadays. He KNOWS he can save the world. He's done it before. He knows he will be doing it again. Flip the coin. Clark Kent...he's shaky, at best. He's not confident, he's a little lost. And, lets face it, he's kind of a dork. The same thing with Billy Ray. Without the mustache he's Daddy. A loving father who wants nothing better than just his daughter to be happy. With the mustache, he's manager, propelling Hannah to stardom.
I kinda sat there awestruck for a minute. Then my brain got to cranking....as it does, and I thought of how hard it is to get to know people. We all wear this mask. We can't bare to think of people getting to know the real us. It terrifies us, because that makes us vulnerable. But maybe we need a little more vulnerability. Maybe the world should be just a little softer. We are great people. Everyone has good in them and we are so afraid to show how amazing we are. We are children of GOD. He wouldn't leave us down here on our own, to meddle through life and just hope we made it back. We have his essence inside us. We are amazing.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
--by Marianne Williamson
Just my random thoughts. That is all.
25 May 2010
Mothers Day
So I have a wonderful wonderful hubby. If you know me, then you know HOW much I want to have a baby. It's MAD crazy and gets harder every time it doesn't happen. So you can imagine Mothers day is not my favorite of all days. It's hard. My husband, ever aware and ever thoughtful of my fragile mental state gave me these....
Now from here you may ask why the flip that would be so sweet...and not cruel and unusual punishment. Well it would be painful had it not been accompanied by this...
It was the absolute sweetest thing I've had done for me. Adam I love you. I love how well you know me. I love that you touch my heart and move my soul. You are amazing. Thank you so much.
