The Ghost of Christmas Past

I was talking to my mother the other day about Christmas and why I love it.  The conversation wrapped around to not having a lot as I was growing up. Huh. I don't remember that.  Yeah as a kid I loved the gifts and I don't remember any shortage of them. What I remember is hiding in the bushes and trying not to giggle so we wouldn't get caught delivering gifts as drop and run.  I remember singing carols with my Mom's whole family. I remember waiting with my brothers and sisters to see what Santa brought.  There was Rudolph kisses left on our noses more than one Christmas eve. There was caroling in the cold and coming home to warm hot cocoa.  There was hugs and love. There was so much love.  I remember very few gifts. The one gift I remember most was a vanity table that used to be my grandmothers. It wasn't new and it wasn't expensive it was meaningful and beautiful.  Oranges filled the toe of our stocking every year, and I could sure count on peanuts in my stocking.  Christmas is my favorite time of year. Not for the gifts. Not for the snow. Not for the hustle and bustle. But there is a feeling of love and memories of warmth and family.  The lights are are like stars shining and leading the way back to a time when Christmas meant something a lot more simple.  Like one of my favorite Christmas songs says:

C is for the Christ child Born upon this day

H is Herald Angles in the night 

R is our Redeemer
                                     I means Israel

S is for the star that shone so bright

T is for three wise men, they who traveled far

M is for the Manger where he lay

A is all he stands for

S means shepherds came

And THAT's Why there is a Christmas day.

That's what my parents taught me. That's what I remember about Christmas growing up. 

19 December 2010

Finding Christmas

I'm a grinch.  There. I said it.  Now don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. I really do.  I've just had a hard time getting excited about it and FEELING it. I've had to be shown.  Part of it is I just have seen some much negativity.   Christmas is supposed to be a positive thing. Where we remember to love each other, for one short season.  Instead you go shopping and there is pushing and shoving and cursing. I don't think I would want MY birthday celebrated that way. 

Yesterday I went to Golden Corral and found Christmas. I was noisy and people were grabbing food. I was actually almost finished eating.  I went to go get some brussel sprouts and cheese (shush I like them) and I heard a little voice behind me say "it's not our turn yet. We have to wait."  I quickly finished and turned around and saw two small children, a little girl and a little boy.  I stepped away and listened to what happened next.  "Now it's our turn. Come on up" she said patiently.    I returned to my table and watched as she served her little brother up some food and helped him, and protected him through the maze of adults who seemed oblivious to this small miracle.  The little boy said something about wanting candy or desert and she gently placed her arm around him "No we have to eat this first." She guided him and helped him pick out some fruits and veggies. They then disappeared from view, but not from my mind. My heart was touched and I felt Christmas for the first time this year. 

07 December 2010


I was able to take 9 days off for Thanksgiving. I had so much fun I forgot to take pictures.

Sunday we packed and rested

Monday we drove down to my parents house. We thought it was going to be TERRIBLE weather but it was nice and relaxing.  When we got there Adam was TYE ERD  so he took a nap and I waited for my parents to get home from shopping. When they did I had a whole new wardrobe! Yay for early Christmas.  Adam got several really nice shirts as well. He really needed them. Thanks Mom and Dad. After that we went to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part one and Miah brought his cute little girlfriend. She's super sweet. I like her.

Tuesday we hung around and played games, and tried to make plans for the rest of the week.

Wednesday we made pies, I made my first pumpkin pie, everyone said it was yummy. We played more games and visited and hung out with the kids.

Thursday was the main event.  Thanksgiving dinner was fabulous.  My mom makes one mean turkey.  Everything was super yummy and mom and dad had invited a couple over that didn't have anywhere to go.  It was fun and there was a lot of laughter and yummy food.  Afterward we took family pictures, which I'm waiting for My sister to post on her blog (hint hint) and then we went to see TANGLED!! It was AWESOME.  You MUST see it. It was great there was laughing and happiness and tenderness.  It was great. Starting at Midnight we went shopping, by we I mean Kendra Becky Mom and myself.  We shopped and shopped and shopped and shopped. We came home around 8 AM and got some good deals.  It was A LOT of fun. I've never done the whole black friday deals thing.  There was about 30 to f45 minutes of shopping and the an hour or so in line it was nuts.

Friday I slept most of the day due to the not getting home til 8 AM thing.  Then we ate pizza that Kendra made and it was FABULOUS!!  We played games and I had to work for an hour so I went back to mom and dads and did that and then went to bed.

Saturday was a BLAST we went to go get Cafe Rio (yum) and then went to the washington rec center. It was A MAZE ING we watch people climb the wall, Shaunie did it about four times, and most everybody got to the top.  Neither Adam or I could do it, but we will....soon.  Then we went to the pool Area. It was Amazing! There was a play area for the bigger kids and a play area for the little kids/babies, there was a lazy river and a hydro tube (I'm anti that but that's another story on another blog) The kids had a blast. We went back to Mom's house and goofed around. We had BLTs for dinner and the kids were all tired so there was some snuggling and some visiting. Then I had to work another hour so I did that and then we packed up and left. 

All in all it was probably my favorite thanksgiving ever. I loved spending it with my wonderful husband and my awesome family.  I miss them so much.  Maybe we will be able to move back down next fall......

02 December 2010

Let it snow let it snow.....

We went to church this Sunday, for the first time in awhile. It. was. amazing. It was the first time in a VERY long time that I didn't feel uncomfortable once. What a really cool spiritual experience. There were a couple of young men who bore there testimonies and it was really neat. Everyone had a powerful testimony. I loved it. I was so excited to be a part of this ward. We went to talk to the bishop to get our records transferred. He asked where we lived, and we told him our apartment complex name. "Your not in our ward!" He said. I almost cried. Apparently our ward was split a couple of weeks ago. :( This has happened every time we have moved. Blech. Now we have to find our new ward, and can only pray that our new ward is as awesome as the ward we went to is.

I look forward to the challenges and opportunities this new ward will present. I just hope that I won't be playing the piano in front of people anytime soon.

09 November 2010

Parties and Trick or Treaters

Well Hello! It's been a week so I thought I'd post. Saturday before last my brother and sister in law hosted an awesome halloween party. There was home made soup and all kinds of goodies. The costumes were AWESOME. We left about 9:30 which means we didn't get home until 11 or later. That's not a big deal though. It was super fun. After that I just worked. A lot. Last night was Halloween, at least we celebrated it. WE had lots of Trick or Treaters, most of which were NOT dressed up. I've decided that next year I'm going to put up a sign on the door that says "no costume no treat" On the other hand those kids had a lot of guts. The kids who came to our house at 11:00 had more guts. They almost got tricked because I was ready to explode. But I didn't. I gave them candy and let them know it was a little bit late to be ringing peoples door bell...They disagreed. It's all good. I"m getting used to it. Teenagers.....the part of parenting I am terrified of. And no....that's not an announcement.

31 October 2010

Heber vs. Cedar

I love my husband. As proof of this love, I left my house that I adored, my family less than an hour away, WARMTH less than an hour away and a stinkin awesome deal on rent, packed up our junk, and moved to an apartment in Heber City. It's a good thing my job moves with me! I do have some family up here. I'm blessed to have awesome in laws and my brother and his wife are not too far away. It's just not the same as having my mom so close.

There are just so many more opportunities for my wonderful husband here. We are trying to find a way to get him into school. If you want to donate to the cause we wouldn't say no! ha ha. He has had a couple of job interviews, and another on Tuesday. We are hoping he gets an interview with convergys because it's a good job and they do tuition reimbursement. Oh yeah, and it pays a lot more.

We thought for half a heartbeat that we were going to be the foster parents for a 14 year old girl. But her half siblings' father offered to take her in, and he lives in Hawaii. If I had the choice (and I were here of course) I would go live with him. I mean it's FRICKIN HAWAII! Plus she gets to stay with her brother and sister.

We are still finding our niche here in Heber, but we have a great opportunity to watch our niece Sky several times a week. It's been a true delight to do that. Anyway, other than that life is fairly consistent. As, I will try to be with my posts from here on out. Once a there anyone out there who believes me?

24 October 2010

And I think to myself....what a wonderful world...

I've been sitting my desk working my butt off, and I glanced up and out the window. The sky was full of yellow and orange and red and pink. The most beautiful sunset. I've been feeling down, and frustrated about find a place to live and not getting pregnant and what not. I looked up and felt the beauty of the earth. I knew that sunset was just for me. A giant hug from a loving Father in Heaven who would hold me in his arms if he could. Instead he sends me a soft whisper to let me know that everything is alright. A gentle rain to soothe away my stresses. A loving husband to kiss away tears. I have more blessings than I could possibly count.

09 July 2010

My mistake....

I apologize in advance to anyone who this may offend, but I need to write down this.

So I have have been spending a lot of time in my head lately....when I'm unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep. I've decided a few things about myself.

1. I am very judgmental. Not in the way that you would think though. I judge you that you are judging me. I assume you think that I'm not worth anything so you won't even try to be my friend. I ASSUME that you are laughing at me on the inside and don't think I'm worth your time. I don't give people a chance because I don't want to risk getting hurt. If you know me, you know that I'm very sensitive, and my heart has been bruised a lot. Not by guys because I didn't really give them a chance. But by people I considered my friends, or people I wanted to be friends with. A lot of this stems from my past. People I considered my friends would make fun of me, or make me feel that I was lucky to be hanging out with them, and I began to believe that I was not worth that much and I WAS lucky to be around the people who only kept me around out of pity. The damage that caused is hard to overcome. I thought I had moved beyond it, but I looked around and realized that I don't make an effort to be friends with anyone, they have to reach out to me and even then, I'm hesitant. So here is my goal, I will not just assume that someone is trying to take advantage of me. I will also not just assume that someone doesn't really care about me. I will give people a chance. I'm sorry to anyone who has tried to reach out in friendship and I was to afraid to reach back. You don't deserve that.

2. I am focused too much on the negative things in my life, and I keep saying I'll be happy when....I'll be happy when I get a boyfriend, I'll be happy when I get engaged, I'll be happy when I'm married, I'll be happy when we buy a house, I'll be happy when we have a baby...when I was in high school I was on the debate team, I know surprise....but I did oratory speech and our team captain gave a speech that really had an effect on me. Part of it was the following poem...

. As a rule man is a fool,
When it's hot he wants it cool,
When it's cool he wants it hot,
Always wanting what is not.

That poem has been with me for nearly 15 years. Always in the back of my mind. Yet I was always look for happiness outside of myself. But happiness doesn't come from the outside. It comes from within, and using the innate ability we all have to find the GOOD things in life. There are ALWAYS good things, even at the lowest moment of my life I am more blessed than I deserve. I have a wonderful family, a romantic and passionate husband, a home, a good job, the gospel, awesome in-laws that make me feel like I'm part of the family, and accept me for who I am and a plethora of others that there just isn't enough time or space in all the world to list. I am truly blessed. My goal here is to count my blessings on a daily basis. Maybe I will post them....steal an Idea from Kimmi over at So Many Kids, So Little Time and post a few things that I'm grateful for every week on "Muchas Gracias Monday" but I KNOW I will be happier if I focus on the positive things.

3. I have a food addiction. It's food. I know that sounds silly, but it's not. It's serious. I won't be hungry but I still feel a need to eat, and to eat a lot. It has caused me to gain over 100 pounds. Here is the does one stay away from food? You have to have it to survive. How do you break an addiction to something that your body needs? Its a frighting reality to face. I guess we could not have any unhealthy snack foods in the house...but even healthy snacks are bad if you eat too my goal? I don't know...I don't know what to do about this one. I don't know how to fix my brain.

10 June 2010

The masks we wear...

Can you look beyond what you see? Can you look beyond your sight?
Will you take the time to notice my beauty from inner light?

I know I am not perfect I see it all the time, but if you see with your heart, you may see in to mine.

Can you look beyond my imperfection, can you see beyond the mask?
Will you take the time to notice me, to put yourself to task?

--Christy Gale

I wrote this poem a few years ago and forgot all about it. Then I found it, after a discussion that I had with my husband about the LAME disguises superheros wear to hide their true identity. I mean Superman, come on. You can fly, your super strong, you have laser vision and the best disguise you can come up with is a pair of glasses from the dollar store? Lets get real here. At least spiderman has a mask when he's spidey. And it's not just superheros. On Hannah Montana Billy Ray's disguise is a mustache. Really? a mustache? At this point in our discussion, I was trying to decide whether or not I should be insulted by the authors general assumption that we would be unable to discern such simple guises. Then, all at once it came to me, the disguise isn't what they are wearing. It's who they are. Superman is all duh duh duh duuuuuh!!! An pops out with his hands on his waist, and chest poking out, brimming with a confidence you just can't find nowadays. He KNOWS he can save the world. He's done it before. He knows he will be doing it again. Flip the coin. Clark Kent...he's shaky, at best. He's not confident, he's a little lost. And, lets face it, he's kind of a dork. The same thing with Billy Ray. Without the mustache he's Daddy. A loving father who wants nothing better than just his daughter to be happy. With the mustache, he's manager, propelling Hannah to stardom.

I kinda sat there awestruck for a minute. Then my brain got to it does, and I thought of how hard it is to get to know people. We all wear this mask. We can't bare to think of people getting to know the real us. It terrifies us, because that makes us vulnerable. But maybe we need a little more vulnerability. Maybe the world should be just a little softer. We are great people. Everyone has good in them and we are so afraid to show how amazing we are. We are children of GOD. He wouldn't leave us down here on our own, to meddle through life and just hope we made it back. We have his essence inside us. We are amazing.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

--by Marianne Williamson

Just my random thoughts. That is all.

25 May 2010

Mothers Day

So I have a wonderful wonderful hubby. If you know me, then you know HOW much I want to have a baby. It's MAD crazy and gets harder every time it doesn't happen. So you can imagine Mothers day is not my favorite of all days. It's hard. My husband, ever aware and ever thoughtful of my fragile mental state gave me these....

Now from here you may ask why the flip that would be so sweet...and not cruel and unusual punishment. Well it would be painful had it not been accompanied by this...

It was the absolute sweetest thing I've had done for me. Adam I love you. I love how well you know me. I love that you touch my heart and move my soul. You are amazing. Thank you so much.

12 May 2010

St. Patty's Day Window

14 March 2010

It's gonna be a bright sunshiney day....maybe.

Well for those of you who missed me, I'm back....and better than ever!

We went to California and it was a blast! Day by we go!

Sat Feb 20- We got up at 7 so we could leave by 8, got the car loaded and the dog dropped of at Kendra and Golden's by about 8:45 (thanks again guys!) and headed out...almost. There needed to be a stop at Wal Mart to get something. New clothes for Christy w00t! I ended up with five new shirts so that was nice. When we got there though, we noticed Adam had left his wallet in our car. Since we were driving my Mom's car, that was a problem. You have to have ID to get into Sea World (yay). So we had to go back to La Verkin to get the wallet. So by the time we left it was about 11:45 UT time. We got to Vegas and we were almost out of gas so we pulled over just outside of Vegas and got gas and made another brief stop about 15 minutes later to grab some food on the run, cuz we were way behind. So we drove and drove and about half an hour from my sister Becky's house our GPS died....and we lost mom and dad. We had a cell phone but about 5 minutes from Becky's house that died too....and on top of it all my ipod we were alone and musicless....luckily my mom and dad found us and we were able to follow them the rest of the way there. Since it was my birthday Becky made me an awesome dinner, Cafe Rio inspired salad (it was even better yum) and my birthday cake was a red velvet cake....which is probably my favorite kind of cake....and it was the best one I'd ever had. Anyway it was pretty late by that point but we still managed to keep our eyes open long enough to watch the mens speed skating in the olympics. That was super fun. Then we went to bed.

Sun Feb 21 - Adam's back was hurting so bad that he wasn't able to go to church with the rest of us and he actually spent most of the day in bed. The fridge went out and so there was some scramble to get the food eaten/given away. It was pretty exciting :) The rest of the day was pretty relaxed we sang hymns and visited.

Mon Feb 22 - was mostly a travel day. After Dewy (my nephew) got back from preschool we packed up and cleaned the house and left for the Worldmark condo. We stopped and ate at Subway and Adam and I spoke about the differences in the culture between Utah and California. We rode with Becky and that was fun. Once we got there we got ready to go swimming, but Adam waited in the condo for them, because they had to rearrange the beds. It wasn't too long before we headed back up because the kids lips were blue and they were shiviring....none the less we had to pry them out of the pool because hey were having so much fun. When we got back up to the condo, Adam had already left to go get in the hot tub. Unfortuantely he got lost and locked out of the the resort and had to walk clear around it....and his back was still hurting. Poor guy. So I went back down to the hot tub and soaked with him for about an hour. When we got back upstairs the kids were ready for bed and we were ready for dinner, so that's what happened. After that we watched TV for a little while and went to bed.

Tues Feb 23- We woke up pretty ealry and loaded up the cars and headed to Sea World. We were all super excited and Adam had never been there. We got Adam a scooter so he wouldn't have to walk everywhere with his bad back. We did the shark experience and the penguin experience and saw the Orca show and the Sea Lion show. It was really fun. We also ate ath the park.....the food was....less than desirable. Except the cheesecake, which was really really really good. Oh and the bread sticks were good. But this isn't all about the food. I promise. We walked out of the orca show and gathered together under a plam tree (ha ha ha) guess what happened? Plop plop plop. Mom and dad got it good. Thanks to a little birdy in the tree above. Unfortunately my 1 year old niece Ellie got it to. That was sad. But it was also really funny. Mom also gave me some money for my birthday and I decided to open a clam with the money and make a pendant. The pearl I ended up with was an 8 MM blue pearl that would retail (by itself) for 75 bucks. And I only paid 15 for it! W00t. It's really pretty.

We went home had dinner and went down to the hot tub...and then to bed.

Wed Feb 24-Becky had decided a good birthday present, and I agree with this, was to take me and Adam to Disneyland. It was an EXCELLENT present. The day started off rainy so we bought an umbrella and Becky bought slickers for the kids....guess what. I stopped raining for the rest of the day. :) So it was overcast and cool and really fun. We rode pirates and Dewy sat between me and Adam and had a blast! It was so cute to see how excited he was. We went on it's a small world for the first time since they revamped it and it was fun to see the changes. Adam hadn't been on it before and he really enjoyed it. We saw the show at the Golden Horseshoe and they had changed that up as well. We split up with the family and went on Haunted Mansion. It was really fun. Then we went over to California Adventure and tried out their new ride Toy Story Mania it is a 3d ride and was super fun. We also went on Big Bear River Rapids....the family we were on with decided they wanted to go another run around and since it was cold not many people were on the ride, they let us just go through again...I kinda wanted off but I like the ride so I just shooshed up and went again. I was really wet already but my pants managed to stay dry....until we were about to get off. The lady sitting pretty much on my lap decided to dump the water of her slicker, and into my lap....three times. I was soaked head to toe at this point. So we decided that we were done. On the way out we found the rest of the family and they had chocolate ice cream. I was jealous so Adam drove me all over ocean side looking for a McDonalds...we never found one, but we did find a couple of roads right along the beach. It was SOOOO beautiful. We got back and had dinner and then we went to bed.

Thursday Feb 25 - we went to the beach and made a sand castle... and played in the ocean as much as we could. It was pretty chilly so ya know...we kinda just waded. The rest of the day was swimming relaxing and getting ready to go. Until it was dinner time. We hooked up our wii to entertain the kids. After dinner however, the kids went to bed and the wii was still hooked up. So Becky Mom and I played Super Mario brothers Wii. It was really fun and we were all giggling like little girls. It was really fun and I had a good time.

Friday feb 26 - we loaded up and went home leaving about 10.....which was also an adventure. It was actually pretty quiet for the first three hours of the trip. Then I woke up. We were almost to Vegas so we pulled over and I started driving. We decided we were going to go to the spice buffet in Planet Hollywood but there was issues with...well Vegas. you can't look up, you can't look down, and you can't look left or right. Adam and I were both very uncomfortable and so we decided to stop in Mesquite. So we got about 18 miles outside of Vegas and the gaslight came on...we were going to get gas when we stopped for dinner. Oy. So we had 20 miles to the next town or 18 miles back to Vegas, and I didn't know how long we could go on empty. We spotted a gas station and pulled off the road...only to find it wasn't open yet. We prayed that we could reach a gas station and gratefully we reached Moapa. It wasn't on our GPS but it was there and it was open. YAY! We laughed about it and wished we were in Mesquite because we were both was almost 5 and we hadn't eaten since that morning before we left. Yowza. So we finally got to Mesquite and stopped at the Oasis only to find it closed. oooookkay. Something I wish that I had gotten a picture of was a sign that said 24 hour valet service. And underneath it there was a sign that said closed Monday through Thursday. HAHAHAHA! Anyway we decided we were going to stop one more place and then if it didn't work out we would be going to Golden Corral in Saint George. We ended up eating at a buffet that wasn't memorable. We did eventually make it home.

I don't think I could have had a better time. It was awesome. Thanks Mom and Dad and Thanks Becky and Hyrum. I love you all!

09 March 2010

Wacha gonna do when they come for you.....

What do you do??? He's trained that outside is the way to go but when he gets upset, he uses the floor as a toiled, and today I stepped in it....*sigh* Oh he's also wanted for destruction of private property and eating out of the garbage can. He's a sweet dog, but he will remain in prison until further notice.

04 January 2010

Somthin to Blog About...

So I know, I'm not doing well with the blogging every week. My life isn't that exciting, so I don't do it. There have, however, been a couple of events that I should probably share....

Christmas was awesome. I got a good bonus this year so we had a little a 32' HD TV That's been really fun....the detail in the pictures are amazing. It's like having bad vision for a really long time and then getting glasses. Did you know Dobby actually cries and has tears rolling down his face in "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" when Harry asks him to sit down?? I didn't know until I watched it on HDTV. Anyway....I got an Ipod touch...I've been wanting one since...oh, they came out. And Adam got a new LCD Computer monitor. He's so excited. We also put lights up on hours for the first time this year. See?

We also bought a new tree...prelit. Very nice...and exciting. We had a blue and silver theme this year.

I also painted the window....

New Years Eve I had to work so Adam and I just spent a quiet evening at home. After I got off work we watched the ball drop. Then we did some cleaning and went to bed...because we were having guests come over.

New Years day was a little more busy. I had my sister Kendra's oldest three kids over to spend the night. They are actually still here. It has been a blast! Shaunie came with me to take my dog out, and while we were doing that she threw a snowball at me....well this started an all out war. We teamed up and it was boys against the girls. I think we won...but how does one tell in a snowball fight. It was fun. After that Frosty came to visit!

Okay so his hat was made of snow, and he didn't come to life, but he has Twix eyes and an M&M many snowmen can say THAT. The kids were cold after that...and somewhat wet, so we came inside and played Mario Kart while Adam went and got Pizza. He got back and we watched a movie. By that time it was around 9 so we made milkshakes and then went to bed. I know what you are thinking....what was she THINKING giving kids sugar right. Well you are right....there was fake snoring, pillow fighting elbowing and giggling until 11:00. It was funny. In the words of Gager "This is the best day EVER!"

Today we got up and had chocolate chip pancakes, hot cocoa and bacon while watching another movie, followed by popcorn and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Lunch will roll arond at some point, and then I imagine it will be just about time for the kiddos to go home....and then, I will be taking a nap. A much DESERVED nap if I do say so myself!

02 January 2010