Because I am going through progesterone withdraw (don't worry it's doctor prescribed) It's been a rough week with a lot of emotions and pain has ended up with me curled up in the fetal position crying more than once.
Adam has been so amazing to take care of me. His teasing has dropped to a minimum, which is hard for him, I know. I haven't had to cook once this week. When I dropped my mango pineapple smoothie and lost about 2/3 of it he offered to share his shake with me. Now Most of you don't know this, but Adam has pretty much give up sweets entirely. He hardly ever even drinks soda, but he indulged yesterday. And because I was about to cry because I was just that frustrated, he was gonna share his treat with me.
Because of everything, I'm not sleeping well. I wake up and walk around the house or take a bath two or three times a night (a hot pad would be awesome right now) and I'm so tired when I go to work I can hardly keep my eyes open. This morning it was even worse because I had to get up early to make sure I got everything done before I went into work. Well I woke up and showered and went to get some clean clothes out of the dryer and I saw a Krispy Kreme "Doughnuts Hot Now" sign on my door. I first thought, that's such a mean thing to do. Because Adam once told me that he would happily get me pictures of a doughnut. So I walked by in a huff, and then remembered all that he's done this week so I detoured into the office and found some fresh as you can get them at 7:30 AM Krispy Kreme doughnut holes on my desk. I went in and kissed my sleeping husband on the head.
I got cross with him the other day and told him he's not the one who has to take all the pills and go through all this garbage to have a kid...He looked at me really sad and said "No, I just have to watch you go through it, and there's nothing I can do to help"
How did I end up with such a sweet, kind, loving, supportive, fun (I could go on and on) and HOT husband???? (you should see his muscles.....drool) I am truly blessed.
Adam, you are an amazing man to put up me like this. Thank you. And I love you for ever and ever and ever and NEVER EVER STOP!!!!
The sweetest man in the world
Another friday confessional
I thought when I was done with progesterone I would stop being ornery. SURPRISE!!!! No. Now I'm even more ornery...and in Pain. And out of Twix. Adam is hiding from me because I've turned from THIS:
Into this:
and within seconds this:
It's intense. Poor Adam. Pity him. There is nothing he can do when these "fits" start. And I'm not even pregnant yet. Yikes.
I confess....
I have a strong desire to go camping....random, I know. But I've been aching to be outside. I spend so much time inside for work that I just want to be outside. Camping, and bon fire. Roasting Hot Dogs and marshmallows. mmmm....smores.
24 June 2011
Friday Confessional
I will be super glad when the progesterone is done.
I feel like garbage and my impulse control is very low.
I confess....
I can't wait to start clomid. I just have this feeling...you know like it won't be too much longer until I can feel a little nudger swimming around and doing acrobatics in my belly.
I confess...
I was a little relieved when Adam asked me not to come with him to the state delegate's meeting tomorrow. There is some high tension legislation being voted on. I'm worried about his safety. Keep him in your prayers!
I confess...
I can't wait to move. I'm tired of being cold. We still aren't positive about where we are going to move, but we have a good idea.
I confess....
If I didn't have to work this morning I would be going back to bed. No lie. Well I don't think I would be out of bed. Yes....I am that tired.
Soooo.....what's your confession?
17 June 2011
Baby Hold On....
For those of you who don't know Adam and I have been trying to have a baby pretty much since we got married. We haven't had any success. A great thank you to my Doctor, Jill Faatz, MD, I was finally dosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). So we had somewhere to go. A path we could take. I was also diagnosed, you may or may not remember, with type 2 diabetes. So to kill two birds with one stone we started on Metformin (glucophage). So my blood sugar quickly improved (with the help of diet and exercises), but the Metformin wasn't giving us the results we wanted. So back to Dr. F. She gave me a choice this time. My blood sugar is good enough that she asked if I wanted to start on clomid, or if I wanted to keep going with the Metformin.
Well, if you know me, I'm patient, but I've been waiting a long time. I shyly begged for the clomid which we filled yesterday. But before we can get to the clomid we have to go through the (dun dun dun) progesterone phase. Not everyone understands what this means. Let me tell you. It turns a perfectly lovely, normal, fun to be around person from this:
Into this:
Ornery, sensitive, bloated, cranky and generally unpleasant to be around. Sorry Adam, I do love you. Doc told us this would happen, and I should cut myself some slack. Who's gonna cut Adam some slack? He's told me that he's going to carry around twixes and open them like a grenade and throw it at me, and then run, if I got too ornery. I laughed...and kind of hoped he was serious. yummmm chocolate. So if this all goes down the way it's supposed to, Adam will still be alive, and fairly unscathed, I will have my chocolate and we will come out the other side with a cute little human addition to our family.
Wish us luck!
12 June 2011
Confessional!
I went to the doctor yesterday and pretty much begged her for Clomid. I've been thinking about it for months. We can't get to Walmart (which is the only affordable place since it's not covered by insurance) until tomorrow, so I will start progesterone pills on Sunday.
I confess....
I'm absolutely terrified. I'm dying to have a baby, and I can't wait to be pregnant. It's the giving birth part that really scares me. I have all these 'what ifs' in my brain.
What if I'm not a good mom?
What if I'm not REALLY ready for this?
What if it's TWINS??? (There is a higher likelihood since I'm older AND taking Clomid)
What if I can't deal with the pain of childbirth?
What if it DOESN'T work?
And yes, I am a worry wart.
I confess....
I'm not really looking forward to the progesterone part either. 10 days of bloating, moodiness, weight gain and all that other stuff that comes with PMS. So there will probably be a lot of crying. Sounds fun, right? Adam has told me he will be keeping bits of chocolate with him to throw at me when I get too crazy. I think he may end up trying to sleep through most of it. I know I want to.
10 June 2011
Another friday confessional
I confess...
I hate Fridays. Really. They are my hardest day of work. I have more to do and less time to do it in. I looked at the steam coming off the pool and almost called in sick today. I REALLY don't want to be at work. Confessing is the best part of my day.
I confess...
After eating no sugar and very little fat for the past 10 days Adam and I went to Golden Corall last night. My body is not happy. My tongue was VERY happy. It was super yummy. But I'm not sure it was worth the gut wrenching pain that has been my life ever since.
I confess...
Without Adam I would be lost. I would never work out, I would eat whatever I wanted and I would be super hard on myself. He is kind and loving and wonderful. I love that he not only protects me from the outside world, but he protects me from me, when I'm being awful to myself. He is fabulous and I'm sure I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
