I confess....

I went to the doctor yesterday and pretty much begged her for Clomid. I've been thinking about it for months. We can't get to Walmart (which is the only affordable place since it's not covered by insurance) until tomorrow, so I will start progesterone pills on Sunday.

I confess....

I'm absolutely terrified. I'm dying to have a baby, and I can't wait to be pregnant. It's the giving birth part that really scares me. I have all these 'what ifs' in my brain.

What if I'm not a good mom?
What if I'm not REALLY ready for this?
What if it's TWINS??? (There is a higher likelihood since I'm older AND taking Clomid)
What if I can't deal with the pain of childbirth?
What if it DOESN'T work?

And yes, I am a worry wart.

I confess....

I'm not really looking forward to the progesterone part either. 10 days of bloating, moodiness, weight gain and all that other stuff that comes with PMS. So there will probably be a lot of crying. Sounds fun, right? Adam has told me he will be keeping bits of chocolate with him to throw at me when I get too crazy. I think he may end up trying to sleep through most of it. I know I want to.

10 June 2011


Audri said...

Just wanted to say that you can do anything cousin :) You are smart and you know what it is like to sacrifice for something you want. I'm pulling for you!

The Clarks said...

The fact that you are worried about it and asking yourself "will I be a good mom" means that you WILL be a GREAT mom. In my experience, it is harder than it looks, but we are all in the same boat and none of us feel like we have it all together - there is always room for improvement. With a great man like that by your side you can get through anything!!

Hopefully this time next year your biggest worries will be "which cute baby outfit do I buy?" :)