Day 4 of 30

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Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

I'm a grudge holder. I hate to say it. I hold on to grudges as hard as I hold on to friends. So join in my friends circle, and stay off my bad side.

This being said, there are a lot of things that I need to let go of, a lot of things I need to forgive.

I can remember exactly what was said in one instance, that cut me to the core. Two of the most popular boys in school were having a contest to see who could have the most girlfriends. One of them asked me out and I said no. They asked why and I said "Because I"m not stupid" meaning I thought they were making fun of me. I was eating lunch later that day and they both came to sit by me and began discussing this contest (like I wasn't there) and one of the boys turned to the other (the one who had asked me to be his girlfriend) and told him that he was obviously the winner because he couldn't even get 'her' to go out with him. Like I was low, desperate and pathetic.

Yeah that was in middle school, and I'm still holding on to this like it was this morning. Why do I do this??? They don't know. They probably don't even remember that conversation. It doesn't hurt them, they don't care. It only hurts me. That's how it is for most of the stuff I need to forgive. Letting go is a lot harder than holding on. It takes a strong person. I'm not strong. I'm just me. BUT I can become strong. One lost grudge at a time.

14 August 2011